just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
