I hate all girls vehemently.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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