it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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