I'm jealous of your bromance
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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