I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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