His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
