Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
