Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
