I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pants are for mortals
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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