yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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