She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
