Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
