I cannot find my penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
