guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
