i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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