Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
