haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
