he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
