So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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