are you so shy because you have an std?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
