I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
