I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize