I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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