im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
