I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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