What did I eat last night that was bloody?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
