i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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