Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
