Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
