that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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