I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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