Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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