your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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