Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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