found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
