I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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