You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
