the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
