I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
