new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
