i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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