Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
