Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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