Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
