i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
