the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
