A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize
