I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
