It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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