rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize