I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
