worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
