I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
