Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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