It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
