When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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