this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
