I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
