His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
pray to the hookup gods
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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